Hollywood Meets Politics in LA Fundraiser
Roll over Ronnie, Hollywood has a new would-be Pretender to the Throne. The most recent episodes of the geopolitical s(h)itcom have featured the Clooney Foundation for Justice (CFJ) taking the stage. Its celebrity frontman aims to slither into the United States’ ongoing (losing) information war against Russia over its evolving Special Military Operation in Ukraine. Yet the real world is no TV courtroom melodrama; it’s 6D chess with international law and media narratives as pawns. George and his Foundation seemingly fancy themselves its Dark Knights, targeting Russian media personnel through the International Criminal Court (ICC), passively accusing them of inciting genocide.
Its aim? To scare off anyone with the audacity to report for RT and Sputnik!
Picture it, Glitter Gulch’s glitziest geeks and geezers rubbing bony elbows with their political idols, all under the watchful gaze of an unimpressed American public. Downtown LA turned into a staged ritual, featuring President Joe Biden and former President Barack Obama headlining a fundraiser at the Peacock Theater. With George Clooney and Julia Roberts adding a touch of faded stardust, the night was more of a wannabe Oscar gala than a substantive political rally.
In a Hollywood humiliation ritual reminiscent of John Cena’s recent rising cloak and sinking dagger show, Jack Black, costumed as a Tolstoyan Sad Clown, aimed to deliver more comic relief than his host, but was ultimately upstaged by the President’s handler, the other President.
With hardly any advertising and no product to peddle, per se, their unnamed opponent recently set staggering donation records, enough to fund the next Disney megaflop, were he so inclined.
Meanwhile, ticket prices ranged from $250 for the nosebleed seats to a cool half-mil to plant your ass near Joe. The take on the night was estimated at a meager $30 million for his flatlining re-election war chest, a pitiful sum amounting to little more than pocket change considering what the event “cost” to produce. Those who know their way around the ‘hood, of course, also know that the big winners are the boomer era owner/operators of the private, secure street-level parking lots, and the young hustlers lucky enough to work the valet lot at the Peacock’s exit, each a master cash magnet in their own right.
Shhh … it’s all a big write-off anyway.
Inside the theater, sheltered from the real world without, the atmosphere was positively electric, with supporters hanging on every word, as if waiting for the miracle. One starry-eyed attendee, as she made her low-budget entrance, gushed through her surgical mask, “Hearing them talk about the issues is very important.” She elatedly described eavesdropping on scripted discussions of border policies with the Obamas as if it were as mainstream as chatting with her girlfriends over midweek brunch about the latest hair-loss hacks and sex tips for seniors.
Her goateed husband was visibly underwhelmed.
Meanwhile, no big city blockbuster can be complete without its proletariat protest scene, and the City of Angels did not disappoint. Outside, a pro-Palestinian mob, masked and ready for a photo-op, abandoned multiple posts at nearby universities and colleges for the evening to stage its PR sit-in at the Peacock’s mouth.
As they locked their spindly arms in a dramatic display of unity, this bored ape could not help but notice that these lost souls were more concerned about Gaza’s air quality than their own.
Alas, the masks are just a bit of show for the occasion, especially when bathed in direct sunlight. If, that is, you courageously “believe the science” about pathogen destruction in the real world, and/or the benefits of vitamin D. Otherwise, vaxx-up and pack yourself into the next multimedia protest spectacle like a sardine and signal the virtue in your heart for all the cameras and the world to see. After all, Major Grom isn’t streaming in to save anybody.
Hypocrisy, or commitment? Do the dedicated street-performers here deserve acting awards of their own … or will these me-toos, wannabes and runners-up become next season’s washed out castaways, forgotten like so many Black Dahlias? It’s one big Gong Show, and while you don’t get to book the acts, you do get to be the judge.
Allegations and Accusations
Away from the glitz and glamour, the CFJ’s Docket initiative faces significant criticism from Russian officials. Maria Zakharova, the able spokeswoman for the Russian Foreign Ministry, accused it of “hounding” Russian journalists by pushing for secret arrest warrants against them. Ms. Zakharova claimed the foundation’s actions were politically and ethnically motivated, describing them as a “judicial safari” targeting Russian media figures.
She calls this out as nothing less, or more, than an attempt at suppression wrapped in the noble cause of justice. Much like Clooney’s ill-fated portrayals of Batman (yes, plural), this move reeks of a flashy, costly and out-of-touch attempt to be relevant. Outside the echo chamber where it’s produced, it fails to resonate with a multipolar world that has moved on. According to Ms. Zakharova, these are psychological warfare tactics aimed at dividing and weakening Russian media.
The Clooney Foundation’s Lawfare
Anya Neistat, the legal director of the Clooney Foundation’s Docket initiative, spilled the caviar to Voice of America, stating that journalists who refer to the Kyiv regime as Nazis (despite their obvious affiliation with the Azov Battalion, not to mention their tattoos), are in the crosshairs for ICC charges. George now denies that his Foundation intended to seek the arrest of Russian journalists, stating that “someone” had misspoken.
This isn’t about free speech, though, or even mis-speech; it’s about who controls the narrative, for how long, and at what cost.
Ms. Zakharova was quick to make this point, noting George’s history of picking pet causes coincidentally in alignment with American international interests. Do any of this bored ape’s readers remember George’s 2012 handcuffed photo-op over Darfur? He remembers watching it on RT. So, this is merely another chapter in a well-worn playbook — Ocean’s 81, if you will — slick on the surface but lacking a genuine twist.
Recent admissions from The Atlantic, in tandem with those from the Royal United Services Institute (RUSI), that Russia is winning the information war might explain why the collective West, via its “celebrity proxies”, now resorts to this pettiest form of lawfare.
If you can’t win fair and square, why not use the law to attack your enemy? It’s a tried-and-true strategy in the West, especially dear to those on the Left, that aims to ruin lives for the crime of promoting alternative viewpoints on a major global conflict. My family is a victim of this cowardly tactic, as are many families in the post-Covid era.
They want you to be afraid …
Thus, high-profile Russian media figures might become forced to avoid ICC member states to dodge potential arrest. As if in xenophobic harmony, the US State Department just issued stern warnings to all Americans to avoid travel to Russia for any reason, citing every conceivable risk except exposure to the truth of a larger world. The word is out via its proxy mainstream media monolith. Meanwhile, lesser-known international journalists (including podcasters and YouTubers) might not see the risk and continue their work, unaware of the looming threat — pawns in a game they don’t even know they’re playing.
The Clooney Foundation’s Real Agenda
So, given the precedents and the circumstantial evidence, what is the Clooney Foundation really up to? By focusing its lawfare on RT and Sputnik’s foreign employees, and those working in ICC-compliant states, it’s not promoting a free press, that’s for sure. On the contrary, it’s attempting to sanction Russian media with surreal similarity to the economic sanctions waged by the ECB and others.
There’s also likely some level of collusion with the alphabet soup of intelligence agencies, the TLAs of the PTB, as the Foundation hasn’t been transparent about its donors.
By leaning on George’s and Amal’s celebrity status, the bankers and the spooks hope to attract attention and funding, yet the legitimacy of their cause remains murky. Like a naked emperor, the public only sees old George hoping to don Batman’s cowl once more, as if crepuscular star power can somehow distract from a lack of substance, but this crusader’s identity is no guarded secret.
The Problem with Celebrity Activism
The Clooney Foundation’s clumsy attempt to insert itself into geopolitics is emblematic of a larger issue: the increasingly common, yet often misguided, involvement of celebrities in complex political matters. Even generously (i.e. naively) assuming that George, and actors like him, might have good intentions, their superficial understanding of intricate issues and reliance on star power often leads to counterproductive outcomes. It only worked for Ronald Reagan because the public was more credulous, and information was more easily controlled.
The world is moving on from celebrity influencers’ flashy campaigns that prioritize headlines in favor of informed, nuanced engagement, indeed, of genuine solutions to pressing problems that challenge us all.
Rock stars and movie gods, with their vast platforms, can raise awareness, but their influence can not only distort reality, but is expressly intended to do so. They aim to shift public attention in the short term, but lack the genuine expertise and sustained commitment necessary for actually beneficial change. Worse, their involvement overshadows the work of more qualified activists who toil diligently, away from the spotlight and often at great cost to themselves, to effect meaningful progress toward it.
Take, for instance, Robert De Niro’s recent involvement in a Biden/Harris campaign event outside the Manhattan courthouse where former President Donald Trump was on trial.
Bob, alongside former Capitol Police officers Harry Dunn and Michael Fanone, used the event to defame Donald Trump (a crime, incidentally, when done to private citizens), calling him “guilty” (before any verdict, disputed or not, was handed down) and a “clown.” His unscripted, impassioned remarks drew both applause and ire. More appropriately, though, his recent stunt of staring at goats also cost him the National Association of Broadcasters (NAB) Leadership Foundation’s Service to America Award.
We are a very long way indeed from Kansas, that bygone era when the late Marlon Brando declined his Best Actor Oscar in protest of Hollywood’s treatment of the Native American peoples, sending Sacheen Littlefeather to the ceremony to refuse the award on his behalf.
Dank Brandon: The Ironic Evolution of Biden’s Persona
And then there’s Dark Brandon, a meme born of derision and rebranded into a badge of veiled approval. Once a mocking chant from the fringes, “Dark Brandon” has morphed into a symbol of resilience for Biden supporters. He captures the absurdity and the chaos of modern political discourse perfectly, consonant with the SoCal spectacle, palm trees and all, where reality blurs into prenuclear performance art.
Joe, who seems more at home in the role of a statesman among celebrities than in the gritty, actual, political arena of his day job, embraces this ironic godlike heroism.
“Dank” Brandon, though, is the ultimate flex: a concoction of my own making, a chaser to swallow along with the admission that, in the theater of politics, image trumps substance. In case you forget that that’s the way the game is played, remember that the Peacock Theatre is primarily a sports venue. The downtown LA fundraiser is thus another episode where the boundaries between gaming, governance and entertainment dissolve, and where the line between Joseph Biden, the real man, and “Dank” Brandon, the cheap-faked demigod, blurs into a single, (temporarily) marketable product.
Taco trucks and pro basketball are the bread and circuses of post-productivity capitalism and Hollywood, the precise point in spacetime where I was born (a deadly day of dangerous minds), is its parasitic postmodern Pompeii.
Legal Protections for Journalists Under International Law
Unfortunately for George (and/or his TLA handlers), while his targets lack a Soviet-style Superman to fly in and defy the billionaire “philanthropists” of the West, they are not without recourse. Several ways and means of higher justice exist for journalists around the world, and not merely those fortunate enough to hail from such “superpowers” as the USA or the Russian Federation.
- Civilian Status: Journalists are considered civilians, protected under Article 79 of Additional Protocol I to the Geneva Convention.
- Identification Cards: Provided to attest their status as journalists.
- Customary International Law: Recognizes civilian status and protection from attacks.
- Freedom of Expression: Protected under Article 19 of the ICCPR.
- Arbitrary Detention and Unfair (or lack of any) Trial: Protection against arbitrary arrest and the right to a fair trial.
- Prohibition of Enforced Disappearance: Journalists are protected from enforced disappearance.
- UN Security Council and General Assembly Resolutions: Emphasize protection and condemn attacks on journalists.
- UN Plan of Action: Aims to create a safe environment for journalists.
Another irony not lost on this bored ape, as he orbits this imperiled skidmark, is the great gulf, intellectually, from West to East, regarding hero worship. You can probably name, if you think about it, at least one Eastern European fairy tale and/or war story, not to mention science fiction novels aplenty. How many superheroes, created by Russian authors for Russian readers, do you know?
The subtle factor that makes the modern superhero so culturally subversive as a genre, compared to its contemporary Spartan counterpart, is its reliance on the virtue of unique strangers. Only victims need saviors, after all. The greater question, however, is what will happen to a society of spaced-out soyboys when it pokes the Bear beyond the point of no return.
Potential Consequences for Russian Journalists
Behind the scenes, George’s absent wife, Amal, and her own pro-Palestine pet project, have driven a spoke in the wheels of his erstwhile frictionless friendship with Joe, but not one large enough to cancel the scheduled re-union with his five-time on-screen heartthrob. A cynical analyst, if he gave a shit, might speculate at greater length than one run-one sentence on how Mrs. Clooney’s absence was a deliberate acknowledgment of, and capitulation to, the necessary illusion that George and Julia are a real thing, like Bennifer or Brangelina used to be … but not this sublunar explorer.
So what, right? Well, before you get fidgety and grab the remote, real journalists without A-list celebrities in their contacts have already lost their lives during the last year.
Not mentioning their names (yet again, ad nauseam) is a greater show of respect than of forgetfulness, but they are secretly more dearly missed than many of their redundant survivors. Reportage that matters is a risky business, and far short of the ultimate price, several other hazards potentially await its purest purist practitioners, whether they enjoy state sponsorship or not.
- Criminal Charges: They may face severe public charges like “incitement to genocide” and/or “propaganda of aggressive war”.
- Secret Arrest Warrants: The risk of unexpected molestation and even arrest while traveling is not without precedent.
- Extradition / Prosecution: Trials in deliberately punitive jurisdictions that issue or enforce these warrants are unimaginable to those who haven’t experienced them, and competent legal representation is often either unavailable or hard to find.
- Travel Restrictions: Official and/or self-imposed limits on international travel to avoid arrest are an invisible but palpable noose.
- Blacklisting: Worse than the threat of loss of any particular position and its immediate income is the threat to their reputation, to their ability to work in the future, or to be seen and heard.
- Erosion of Press Freedom: The chilling collateral effects on journalistic integrity, already well underway, should need no further elaboration by now.
My forward-looking regular readers can see, without my having to construct it for them, the enneagram implicit in the foregoing six-fold arrangement. They will also appreciate the following logos of strategic countermeasures built into this, or any, threat matrix.
If you have no idea what I mean by any of that, you’ve come to the right place … subscribe for a whole lot more to come.
Russian Countermeasures
Much to the Clooney Foundation’s chagrin, of course, is the fact that Russia is no damsel-in-distress. To counter the escalation, Russia will easily employ relevant, transferable strategies, some more obvious than others. Just spit-ballin’, these three leap readily to mind:
1. Raise Salaries: Offer higher pay and/or other discretionary benefits in the seller’s market of at-risk employees to retain the top-tier talent.
2. Fast-Track Citizenship: Provide a clear path to citizenship for BRICS-based media personnel, and possibly even incentivize some of the more qualified Western asylum seekers to “defect”.
3. Recruit Sustainably: Create a robust recruitment pipeline for RT and Sputnik, sweetened by scholarships at leading Russian universities involving part-time work at these media outlets.
By implementing these and other attractively proactive countermeasures, Russia can and will adapt to the hostile, asymmetric legal battleground to ensure that its media operations may continue unimpeded.
Moreover, Russia is no longer the sole superpower when it comes to so-called “alternative” news outlets as it was a decade ago, when RT’s DC-based correspondent, Liz Wahl, resigned on-air to protest its actions in — where else? — Ukraine. Where is she now, the crickets ask, or her co-anchor Abby Martin? Meanwhile, the number of foreign-based english-language news outlets from the “global South” only grows.
The Clooney Foundation’s latest gambit in the global information war blends would-be lawfare with media spectacle to create an unoriginal, low-value, high-budget psyop. As the geopolitical drama unfolds, one can only watch and wonder, who will make the next big blunder in the media circus? George, much like his Bruce Wayne / Danny Ocean hybrid persona, seems to be banking on outdated tactics, not realizing that the world is no longer captivated by his once-mesmerizing charm.
Ironically, like the co-star villain in his ill-received Batman outing, he might have parlayed his starpower into political office, maybe one even higher than Governor, but his time has come and gone. Nowadays, the reluctant political superhero that America believes it wants and needs, if anybody, is Dwayne “the Rock” Johnson.
So, as the circus packed up its cotton candy machines, its costume department and its Ticketmaster tollbooths, these ongoing misguided celebrity interventions again underscore the need for a deeper understanding and more genuine, informed engagement between average Joes. Instead, however, the stars, as if allergic to vitamin D, all faded in the sanitizing light of the following morning, but not before Dank Brandon, like Marilyn Monroe as the Runaway Bride, was dizzily whisked back aboard Air Force One, leaving behind the LA razzmatazz to dodge the gritty responsibilities of governance and the crumbling economy on which they depend. After all, he needs a nap before his first (and only?) big debate, and maybe another bowl of doctored ice cream, with sprinkles.
On an entirely private but not unrelated note, since you made it this far, how do you like the accompanying artwork?
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